Danny Breslin

How it is…

Just doing their jobs

I’m on the hunt. I caught the scent of an Idea a while back and I’m following its trail, chasing it down. I spy the Idea grazing in a clearing in my mind, I’m downwind of it and it doesn’t know I’m here. The slightest sound will startle it and it will run. My muscles bunch, tense, quivering – I’m about to pounce…

The phone rings and the Idea is gone, skittering off into the tangled undergrowth of my brain.

Me: Hello?

Him: Hello?

Me: Who is this?

Him: Hello, is that Mr Breserling?

Me: Close enough, who are you?

Him: Mr Daniel Breserling?

Me: Yes, and you are?

Him: Hello Mr Daniel Breserling how are you today?

Me: Fair to middling pal, now what do you want?

Him: Hello, my name is Martin and I am calling you today in relation to the accident you had within the last two years…

Me: Can I just interrupt you there Martin?

Him: …er…yes?

Me: Let me spell this out for you son, and I want you to pass this on to Dennis, Christopher, Daphne, Elaine and the two dozen other people you work with who have rung me recently; now are you listening Martin, because this is very important and I wouldn’t want you to be confused.

Him: Yes

Me: Martin, I HAVE NOT had an accident within the last two years, are you taking this down? Now, if you phone me again I’m going to come looking for you and trust me, you DO NOT want that to happen – are we perfectly clear to this point Martin? 

Him: Yes

Me: I’m so pleased. Now, off you f***

That was yesterday. This morning the phone rang:

Hello, is that Mr Breserling?

 

 

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April 8, 2014 - Posted by | A Punch in the Face | , , ,

23 Comments »

  1. Love the opening paragraph.
    Did you tell the F*****ker that you’re not Mt Breserling? Just say no :)

    Comment by Alison and Don | April 8, 2014 | Reply

    • Whoa Alison! You’re language is getting worse I see, I wonder where you get it from?

      Comment by Danny Breslin | April 8, 2014 | Reply

  2. I have been getting a lot of those calls recently.. I usually just stop them before they get to the part about the accident and say “Look, I spoke to your colleagues yesterday, the day before that and the day before that. I have never had an accident, no one in my family has had an accident and I would appreciate it if you did not call me again.” Then they hang up.
    An idea.. Get your phone registered on with the TPS – I signed up last week and the number of calls have reduced since.. but it takes 28 for the registration to fully take effect but I can’t wait..

    http://www.tpsonline.org.uk/tps/index.html

    Do you also get texts too?

    Comment by originalapplejunkie | April 8, 2014 | Reply

    • Or I do what Alison and Don do and say they have the wrong number. Lol

      Comment by originalapplejunkie | April 8, 2014 | Reply

    • I’m already registered on that site but most seem to come from overseas so they don’t seem to care about the TPS. I might get a whistle…
      I occasionally get texts but they’re not something I feel I can comfortably discuss – they’re not from you are they? lol just kidding Apples.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | April 8, 2014 | Reply

      • LOOOOOOOOOOOL!
        What phone do you have? You can also block numbers you know..
        Oh..so you DID get the messages ;)

        Comment by originalapplejunkie | April 8, 2014

      • Yeah, and all my mates love the photos you sent. You’ve got quite the fan club up in Tamworth!

        Comment by Danny Breslin | April 8, 2014

      • Whoop!

        Comment by originalapplejunkie | April 9, 2014

  3. …maybe they really want you to buy the insurance they want to sell…! They will try to text you now. :) Watch out!

    Comment by mj | April 8, 2014 | Reply

    • I hope they don’t think I’m joking about going looking for them.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | April 8, 2014 | Reply

  4. Aaah the life of a telemarketer. My son was a telemarketer for all of two weeks before he couldn’t take it anymore. He was in one of hundreds of cubicles that covered a room the size of a football field, every cubicle with a person doing the same thing–calling people like you and me. If you have never heard it, please go to YouTube and type in “How to deal with a phone solister by Tom Mabe.” Believe me, you will not regret it! I laughed until I had tears in my eyes!

    Comment by richardmax22 | April 8, 2014 | Reply

  5. Oh, they are everywhere aren’t they? And not getting the name right seems to be the case 9/10 times! I used to be very abrupt with them until the financial crisis… now I feel kind of sorry for them. The ‘breed’ however has evolved through the years. The are ready to hang up before they even hear the full phrase. As soon as they hear “I am not i”… [ntrested] – they hang up!
    I hope the idea has come back! :-)

    Comment by marina kanavaki | April 8, 2014 | Reply

    • I might not see that idea again, the sneaky little devil. Ah but not to worry, another one will be along any time now. :-)

      Comment by Danny Breslin | April 8, 2014 | Reply

      • Try answering: ‘Jawohl’ next time! ;-)

        Comment by marina kanavaki | April 8, 2014

      • I think I would rather buy what they are selling than have anyone think I’m German. Lol

        Comment by Danny Breslin | April 9, 2014

  6. I hate it when something like that happens. It’s UBER annoying.

    Comment by Desiree B | April 9, 2014 | Reply

  7. Haha oh God I feel for those people. Next time, tell them about the accident. Let them know how horrifying it was to be hit by a car, glass piercing right through your stomach, blood everywhere, a baby crying, a woman screaming while searching for her missing leg. Your bowels were coming out of your stomach, but you tried to push them back inside….only to notice that your left hand was missing 2 fingers…….. etc.

    Let’s see who hangs up first.

    Comment by Judith Willems | April 9, 2014 | Reply

  8. LOL…. Danny, you are off your game. Come on my friend.. when they ask about that accident just retort.. Yeah I died so how did you get the number to the afterlife and hang up… snicker.. :)

    Comment by colliesofthemeadow | April 27, 2014 | Reply


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