Danny Breslin

How it is…

The man-flu myth

I wanted to apologise for my last post, I don’t feel that I did it justice. It was poorly written and lacked the sort of detail that it deserved because it was a fantastic holiday. I’ll add more to this tale at a later date. By the way I’ve remembered where it was that we went: Candolim, and the hotel was called the Highland Beach Resort. Check out the website, it was such a cool place. Anyway more on that later.

So why was the last entry so poor and bereft of details? I was ill, sick, poorly, at death’s door – or as they say around our way: rough as a badgers arse. I still feel a bit under the weather but worry not my friends, I’m made of stern stuff and I will soldier on.

An old pal rang me on saturday and asked me how I was because I sounded “a bit off”, as he put it. I told him I’d got a bit of a sniffle but was generally bearing up. His reply was “Oh, man-flu?” Yeah something like that.

What is man-flu? It’s a word that women use to make light of our illnesses; something they wield like a weapon to beat us with when we’re at our most vulnerable. They say stupid things like: “The slightest thing and the world stops turning, while us women have to carry on…” followed by a long list of tasks that they have to do, many of which we help with anyway but we never make lists because we’re blokes, we just do it as it occurs to us. To us tidying is tidying, cleaning is cleaning.

For women, everything is listed: I’ve got to get the clothes out of the laundry basket, carry them downstairs, put them in the machine, add powder, add softener, choose a programme, switch it on, wait for it to finish, take the clothes out, put the clothes in the basket, shut the door of the machine, carry them outside, hang them up, wait fo them to dry, take them off the line, carry them inside… blah bleeding blah. Men just do the washing. Whatever you do – and this is important – don’t point out that you do your fair share. Forget it, you don’t have a list so what’s the point in arguing? You just do household chores but her list is endless, do you really feel like listening to it all? No, just shut up.

So she’s got all these chores to do while you just sit around feeling sorry for yourself. “…but honey I was hit by a falling piano…” (I wasn’t by the way.)

“Any excuse, you’re bone idle, that’s what’s wrong with you. I should have listened to my mother etc.”

But it doesn’t stop there because she’ll have a list of her illnesses. She’ll remember absolutely everything she has ever suffered from, the exact date and duration, in chronological order; every single one was worse than what ails you. “And did I complain? No!” Whatever you do – and this is important – don’t point out that she’s complaining now…that’s a big no-no.

She might then try another old favourite, the tight-lipped approach. This is where all her chores have to be carried out in your vicinity. She’ll dust, vacuum, tidy and generally rush back and forth in front of you; all the while she won’t say a word, she doesn’t have to, her face is a frozen mask reflecting the centuries of suffering and servitude that women have had to endure. And, goddammit, it’s all your fault! Whatever you do – and this is important – don’t tell her she’s in the way of the television…!

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October 8, 2012 - Posted by | Stuff and Nonsense | , , , , , , , , , ,

15 Comments »

  1. Here’s hoping you start feeling well again soon! This was hilarious, by the way. 🙂

    Comment by Audrey | October 8, 2012 | Reply

    • Thanks mate. I’m feeling fine now cheers, just a sniffle – I’m a man, I can take it! lol

      Comment by Danny Breslin | October 9, 2012 | Reply

  2. Ha, ha,ha…you are brave, wait till the Mrs reads this post 😉

    Comment by flyingbubbles | October 8, 2012 | Reply

    • I know, as soon as I hit ‘publish’ I began regretting it; ah well, what’s life without a bit of danger?

      Comment by Danny Breslin | October 9, 2012 | Reply

  3. I laughed through a majority of this post..it’s so true though..
    Women are pretty predictable..ha ha

    Comment by originalapplejunkie | October 9, 2012 | Reply

    • It’s my own fault, maybe I should make a list?

      Comment by Danny Breslin | October 10, 2012 | Reply

      • A list?!

        Comment by originalapplejunkie | October 10, 2012

    • Predictable?

      Comment by Jofelyn M. Khapra | October 10, 2012 | Reply

  4. Sweeping generalization can be irritating not that I don’t see the humor in this story, it is kind of funny but I would rather prefer the statement ‘for some women’ rather than ‘for women.’

    Comment by Jofelyn M. Khapra | October 10, 2012 | Reply

    • I see what you’re saying but without the “sweeping generalization” it wouldn’t have been as funny. Maybe it’s a British thing, we love to laugh at ourselves and others and laugh at the way others perceive us. It was not meant to be offensive, just an ironic caricature of interpersonal relationships within the home. As it happens my wife is not the demon I make her out to be, but Lord does she know how to make a list!!

      Comment by Danny Breslin | October 11, 2012 | Reply

  5. hope you are feeling better. What is it with women and their talking through things on the radio and standing in front of the Tellie I want to hear or see???!!! LOL… you know when my better half goes on I just look at her and tell her she is drop dead gorgeous when she is angry… works everytime.. hehehehehe…..until I ask her to grab me Stout from the fridge… sigh…

    Comment by colliesofthemeadow | October 11, 2012 | Reply

    • Sounds like a winning idea. I try to get Bones to bite her but he never does, he only bites me.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | October 12, 2012 | Reply

  6. Danny this post is hilarious and reminds me of the movie “The Honest Truth”. As I read this I swear I could hear Gerald Butler in my head! Thanks for subscribing to my blog. Regards, Sandra — who tries HARD to be a “low maintenance” woman from Venus.

    Comment by sandrabranum | October 15, 2012 | Reply

    • I think you might mean “The Ugly Truth?” I hadn’t seen it so I looked it up on IMDB and found that “The Honest Truth” was a Canadian documentary about a woman suffering domestic abuse; I was alarmed, I thought what is Sandra saying about me?
      I don’t mind being compared to Gerard Butler, he’s fairly cool. Oh, except for him being Scottish!

      Comment by Danny Breslin | October 16, 2012 | Reply

  7. […] talking in-flu-en-za my friends. Not a bit of a sniffle, not man-flu as we’ve discussed before; this was a bad, nasty, evil, end of days, four horsemen of the apocalypse and their mom, […]

    Pingback by Soldiering on « Danny Breslin | February 26, 2014 | Reply


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