My Time Away

So you’ve been thinking to yourselves, “That bleeding hooligan Breslin has been quiet recently, he’s either dead or in prison.” Well thanks for your vote of confidence in both my desire to survive and my ability to dodge the local plod. It has been said to me in the past, “How the f*** are you not dead or in prison?” I’d just smile and would tip my hat if I was wearing one.

I remember a conversation I had in a pub in town with a bloke I knew called Mark who is, ironically and unfortunately, now deceased. It was not long after I had finished university and moved back to my home town. He said “You’ve been away for a while.”

“Three years.”

“Yeah, I heard you got seven.”

!!!WHAT!!! As I hadn’t been seen for a while a rumour started doing the rounds that I had received a seven year stretch at Her Majesty’s pleasure. I can tell you quite categorically that I have never been to prison (except to visit my mates), and the fact that people thought that I had gone down was quite shocking to me. I was a little angel really, although I suppose my wings were a little grubby!

No my friends, I’ve been quiet recently because I have been feverishly bashing my keys to earn a crust. I’m writing content for a recruitment company’s website  and an article about carpet repairs (I know). All that and my tireless pursuit of literary fame with my first book “Me and Gus on the Roof of the World.” It’s not easy being a genius you know!

I decided that enough was far more than enough and reached into my pocket to buy her ladyship a laptop. That way I can be more productive without having to lever her out of my chair first. Now all I have to do is keep an eye on that little devil dog Bones, his muddy paws pounding a canine rhythm across my keyboard as he barks about his favourite hobby – widdling.  Pointless pooch!