Danny Breslin

How it is…

The Spanking

At university I wasn’t a spoiled rich kid whose parents paid his way, I had to work my passage. I had a part time job at a huge Royal Mail distribution centre which mostly consisted of throwing bags of mail in vans or trucks, or throwing them in various cages depending on their destination. These cages were fairly large but folded down in half at the front so you could have a sit down when there were no bosses about.

One day a young Pakistani lad of 18 or so decided to act as so many young men do and prove himself a man. Unfortunately, for no reason that I could fathom, he chose me to prove himself against, he decided that he wanted to pick a fight with me. A gentler soul than mine you will never meet so even though I knew what he was after, I just laughed at his racist language as he clumsily attempted to insult me. When he saw that I wasn’t going to rise to the bait he stepped it up a notch and pushed me, and suddenly the laughing stopped; one of my mates there told him to behave himself but I said, “No, it’s okay,” and quoting Edward III at the Battle of Crecy I added: “Let the boy win his spurs.” He took that as a cue to push me again, but this time I reached up with my left hand to grab his left wrist, at the same time I grabbed his belt with my right hand and sat down on the front of the cage behind me, pulling him across my knees. I held him there and spanked him as hard as I could, I spanked him like his daddy should have while he bucked, kicked and squealed like a little girl in front of the gathering crowd.

When I had finished his thrashing I rolled him off my knees and onto the floor. Although I was wearing thick work gloves my hand throbbed like Tom’s toe after Jerry had dropped an anvil on it. He got up rubbing his behind and fighting back tears: “You white bastard!” He said.

“Maybe, but surely that’s better than having a red arse?”


April 9, 2013 - Posted by | Stuff and Nonsense | , , , , ,


  1. You were charitable, I will have to say. And the spanking should have stood him in good stead… if he were man enough to acknowledge! Sure, unlikely he will find a ‘gentler soul than yours…’ Danny! 🙂

    Comment by mj | April 9, 2013 | Reply

    • I think it did him a favour in that he’d think twice before swimming too far out of his depth in future.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | April 10, 2013 | Reply

  2. How right you are….

    Comment by bulldog | April 9, 2013 | Reply

    • It’s not a good look, although I once saw a baboon running down the middle of the road outside Sun City who seemed quite proud of his rosy cheeks.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | April 10, 2013 | Reply

  3. 😆 Loved your Edward III quote!!

    Comment by marina kanavaki | April 9, 2013 | Reply

    • If he hadn’t claimed it 700 years ago I’d have sworn it was mine.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | April 10, 2013 | Reply

  4. You didn’t say “Let the boy win his spurs” did you? No one, except Batman, is that calm 🙂 Bravo!

    Comment by john zande | April 9, 2013 | Reply

    • I’d put Batman over my knee too if he thought he was as chilled as me. Seriously though I’d read the quote somewhere a few days before that incident and so I was over the moon that I could use it.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | April 10, 2013 | Reply

      • I am in awe. If war comes i want you, sir, in the foxhole with me. We’ll drink tea as we fight!

        Comment by john zande | April 10, 2013

  5. Good on you Danny – I would have done worse on that brat. Like you, I usually walk away – but can and am fully capable of biting off a head if I want to.

    Peace Bro, Eric

    Comment by Eric Alagan | April 9, 2013 | Reply

    • Knocking the fool on his back would have won me no plaudits, he was taller than me but a bit skinny and to be honest he was little overmatched.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | April 10, 2013 | Reply

  6. I bite heads off. Not physically (way too small to do that) but verbally. Oh boy can I run a strip up one side and down the other if I’m pushed far enough. Be afraid. Be very afraid 🙂
    Got it from my mum 🙂
    And good for you Danny. Well done. What a little twat. I wonder if he learned anything.

    Comment by Alison | April 9, 2013 | Reply

  7. LOL! Love it!

    Comment by Shannon&Jared | April 9, 2013 | Reply

  8. I hope he learned his lesson!

    Comment by Yaz | April 10, 2013 | Reply

  9. Too funny, but I must admit I would’ve given him a red nose….

    Comment by colliesofthemeadow | April 15, 2013 | Reply

    • Yeah but that would have made me look like the bad guy.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | April 15, 2013 | Reply

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