Danny Breslin

How it is…

Don’t tell the wife!

Yesterday I was privileged to be invited to the wedding of my friend and fellow blogger Jamie. The man who is responsible for putting the idea of writing Me & Gus on the Roof of the World into my head – so if it turns out to be rubbish you can blame him! I was only able to attend the church service which I suppose is just as well considering my previous antics at such soirees.

Jamie has been with his new bride Melanie for 3 years now and not once was I ever introduced; if I went to their house she was never there. “Where’s Mel?” I would ask. Answered only with mumbles and muttered excuses about her having to work or out somewhere visiting sick people or something. At first I thought he was ashamed of me or worried what I might say to her if we did meet; after a while I began to doubt she even existed.

One evening I went round there, just as a favour so he could practice his tea-making skills you understand, yet again the lady of the house was notable by her absence. I questioned him about it, wanting to know the truth once and for all: “Jamjam…” A nickname I gave him many years ago and haven’t stopped calling him since.

“Yes unc?” I’m not his real uncle but because I’m a tiny bit older than him, and always full of advice on any and every subject this is what he calls me. (It should be noted that he has always been wise enough to know better than to follow my advice.)

“Have you made up the fact that you actually have a girlfriend? Are you ashamed that no woman in her right mind would want to be associated with you? It’s okay mate, you can tell me, I won’t judge.”

He denied that this was the case and bravely laughed it off, but I was worried about the lad. The next day he texted me a photograph of him standing next to a woman in his living room, but this was inadmissible evidence: it could have been anyone. And this young lady in the picture was way out of his league anyway, a fact that I pointed out to him in my reply.

The invite arrived to his wedding and I realised that it was going too far and his fantasy had become a pathological obsession. Two days before the ceremony I called him and told him it was alright to admit the truth, I didn’t want to see him stood alone at the altar, his shame evident to all those who had gathered.

I sat at the back of the church with her ladyship, while Jamjam stood at the front with his best man, who was obviously going along with the ruse if there was a drink in it for him. Then, led by a crack team of bridesmaids, in she came. I realised my fears were all for naught as I watched my friend get wed.

Unbeknownst to me, Jamjam had broken a cardinal rule, nay THE cardinal rule about not dropping your mates in it, and had told Mel all about our previous conversations. Thus, when I went to congratulate them outside the church and get the traditional kiss off the bride, she whispered in my ear “See, I do exist.”

For once friends, Breslin had no reply, and it was me rather than the bride that was blushing.

 

 

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June 1, 2013 - Posted by | Stuff and Nonsense, Writing Your First Book | , , ,

13 Comments »

  1. Ooops…. too late… hehehehehe my excuse is Ginger made me do it.. 🙂 Great post as usual Danny! 🙂

    Comment by colliesofthemeadow | June 1, 2013 | Reply

    • Thanks, it’s funny but I always blame your Ginger too.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | June 17, 2013 | Reply

  2. …well, it wasn’t really your fault now, was it?! 😆

    Comment by marina kanavaki | June 1, 2013 | Reply

    • Not at all. Bless you Marina, you’re always on my side.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | June 17, 2013 | Reply

  3. Aww… that’s all right… and you’ve actually put yourself out in the light (…of blogs) to be judged by one and all. If that ain’t brave, what is?

    No, certainly, your friend should have kept your conversations to himself… give him time, and enough Friday pub nights… and he’ll learn. You be the good unc and keep coaching him.

    So good to read a post from you.

    Comment by mj | June 1, 2013 | Reply

    • He’s still young, but I have high hopes for him.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | June 17, 2013 | Reply

  4. He obviously knew she’d see the funny side of it!

    Comment by Clowie | June 6, 2013 | Reply

    • It’s a good job she did, I’d hate to be punched by a bride on her wedding day!

      Comment by Danny Breslin | June 17, 2013 | Reply

  5. Thanks for the follow and the entertaining blog. 😉

    Comment by Alice Keys | July 9, 2013 | Reply

  6. 🙂

    Comment by WordsFallFromMyEyes | July 14, 2013 | Reply

  7. Do you have an archives that I’m not locating? I would have liked to start at the beginning.

    Comment by gpcox | September 10, 2013 | Reply

    • That’s a good idea! I’ve put an archives tab on here now. I hope you enjoy my older posts and thanks for the suggestion.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | September 10, 2013 | Reply


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