Danny Breslin

How it is…

Don’t Get Up

Do you ever have one of those days when you wish you’d never got out of bed? Well today is one of those days.

I was up late last night so I was overjoyed at six this morning when my dog Alfie started barking. I shouted down the stairs for him to shut up but he shouted back. I went down to see if he had a problem but no, he was just stretched out on the sofa with a look of innocence on his face.

I went back to bed and was just dropping off when he barked again. This time I shouted down the stairs telling him that he had a choice: he was either quiet or I’d beat him to death. I’m sure I could hear him and Bones sniggering. Just to prove it, as I lay back down Bones barked once in defiance. Little sod.

I drifted off but within half an hour I was woken up by the other one Jessie wanting to go out into the garden, I could hear her whining and clawing at the door. She’s a bitch, and I’m not just saying that because she’s a female dog! That was it, I gave up and went down stairs.

I’m a big fan of crumpets at breakfast time. (I try to avoid cereal following an incident with some Weetabix in Mansfield many years ago. I’m sorry but that is an episode I cannot and will never divulge, not even to you my friends, I’ll take it with me to the grave. Just forget I mentioned it. *shudder*) So I put my crumpets in the toaster and poured myself a big glass of cranberry juice to stave off future kidney stones.

I nipped into the living room to ring Mrs B at work. No dialling tone. I went upstairs to check that phone – dead. What is that smell? I checked the connections but nothing had been kicked out. Is someone burning something at this time of the morning? The cats hadn’t chewed the wires. How come the broadband router’s lights are on, I can get onto the internet so it’s not my line that’s faulty? I’ve got to make some important phone calls later, I’ll check the main…I jumped out of my skin as the smoke alarm burst into a deafening dawn chorus – MY F***ING CRUMPETS!!!

I charged headlong into the kitchen and popped up the blackened discs. For crying out loud! I considered putting some more in but its not good to waste food. I buttered them up and made them as presentable as possible and went through to sit in front of the TV intending to catch up on Hell on Wheels.

The TV came on but there was no signal from the Sky box. grrr. I got down on my hands and knees and switched the power off at the wall sockets. I waited a minute before switching them back on again. It takes a couple of moments for the box to kick-start itself back into action so I knelt there as if worshiping the all-knowing, all-seeing television god.

I heard a noise behind me and swung around to find Jessie trying to steal a crisped up crumpet and Bones’ muzzle reddening by the second as he lapped my cranberry juice. My heathen curses darkened the sky as they ran from the room followed by the slipper I’d launched after them.

The Sky box came on and I switched immediately to the sports news channel. I settled back in my armchair and felt my crumpet crack and crunch in my mouth. It was my last bite because it tasted vile. I switched to my TV planner to watch the western serial that I’ve been recording only to see the message telling me there is a fault and playback isn’t available.

If only the dogs would let me go back to sleep…



July 25, 2013 - Posted by | Stuff and Nonsense | , , , , , ,


  1. Bad day at Ok Corral sounds like…

    Comment by bulldog | July 25, 2013 | Reply

  2. At least you’re back, Danny! Good for us, thanks to the dogs!

    Comment by Yaz | July 25, 2013 | Reply

    • Don’t mention those damned mutts to me.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | July 29, 2013 | Reply

  3. Ok, Danny, feed and walk the dogs and go back to bed!

    Comment by marina kanavaki | July 25, 2013 | Reply

  4. Too funny, I can visualize! And….I’ve had kidney stones on 3 separate occasions. Drink lots of water!!!

    Comment by swedenole13 | July 25, 2013 | Reply

    • I’ve emptied the local reservoir.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | July 29, 2013 | Reply

      • I’ll bet you have! Be well!

        Comment by swedenole13 | July 29, 2013

  5. Man, that just wasn’t your day!

    Comment by richardmax22 | July 25, 2013 | Reply

  6. Sounds familiar.

    Comment by The Persecution of Mildred Dunlap | July 25, 2013 | Reply

  7. LOL. What a morning. 😀

    Comment by taobabe | July 25, 2013 | Reply

  8. I know that feeling!

    Comment by Jessica | July 26, 2013 | Reply

    • Then I feel sorry for you as well as myself.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | July 29, 2013 | Reply

      • 😛

        Comment by Jessica | July 30, 2013

  9. Oh jeez, what a wonderful start to your day, lol. 😦

    Comment by Don't Quote Lily | July 29, 2013 | Reply

    • Not sure wonderful is the word I’d use Lily. lol

      Comment by Danny Breslin | July 31, 2013 | Reply

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