Danny Breslin

How it is…

Detoxed

Oh no no no, not never again. I went through that detox thing I was telling you about and while yes, there is a definite improvement in how my body feels, my brain went into a mini meltdown.

DAY ONE: It was pretty easy. Some of the recipes were even (almost) tasty. I’ve never been a fan of avocado, and wheatgrass takes a bit of getting used to, but overall it was doable. I thought that I could breeze through as I didn’t feel hungry at all.

DAY TWO: I got used to being able to hold down avocado and still there were no pangs of hunger. This is a doddle! Already I was feeling more energised and the second day headaches I was expecting didn’t really materialise – bonus!

Yet, as the evening wore on, I started fantasising about food. I got an insatiable craving for toast. I tried ignoring it and concentrating on the television but the screen kept fading into the background as my mind’s eye was filled with different combinations on toast.

The corners of my mouth turned down and I swear I can’t remember the last time I felt so bloody miserable. That night I was awake until about 2.30am thinking about my favourite steak and kidney pie, before pure exhaustion drove me into a sleep plagued by dreams of Bakewell Tarts that begged me to eat them.

DAY THREE: My life felt empty. “Detoxing will make you feel great as the poisons leave your system” they said; it’s a lie. I didn’t feel great, not even remotely good. I longed for poisons.

Maybe I did appear to have more energy, but that was only because I was bouncing off the walls in the desperate need for a cup of tea: oh caffeine, I am so sorry I have forsaken your love!

Then, just as I thought I could not sink lower, I finally experienced that feeling known and feared by much older men than me – the moment you realise you can no longer trust your farts…

DAY FOUR: Forget it, there was no day four.

I decided that I would kick the whole thing to the kerb and stop being such a fool. I don’t need to torture myself with stuff I don’t like the taste of in order to be healthy. What is the point of living if you can’t enjoy it? Yes I’m going to eat better and replace one meal a day with a fruit and veg smoothie, but I am NOT going to make myself miserable by forsaking what little pleasures life has for me.

To my toaster: I’m sorry I’ve been away old friend, I promise I won’t ever leave you again.

 

 

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January 13, 2014 - Posted by | Stuff and Nonsense | , , , , ,

20 Comments »

  1. I wouldn’t be able to even do day 1 I’m allergic avocado and wheat. Surely there is an easier way! LOL I liked your comments about each days journey. The days never seemed so long as when you are depriving your body something it loves. I like your conclusion! 🙂

    Comment by MichelleMarie Antell | January 13, 2014 | Reply

    • What is the point of avocado? Does anyone even like it? I’ve seen it served with some kind of green stuff in the middle – is that as a first course or a draconian punishment?

      Comment by Danny Breslin | January 14, 2014 | Reply

      • OMG yes. Where I live they eat it like a dig. Yuck yuck yuck! I’ve never been a fan of it and being allergic is fine with me. I’m not tempted in the least! LOL 🙂

        Comment by MichelleMarie Antell | January 14, 2014

  2. You are so brave – I will not detox – going for a colonoscopy was enough for me a few years back.

    Comment by cravesadventure | January 13, 2014 | Reply

    • Whoooooaaaaaa!!!!! There’s too much information! That’s an aperture that should definitely be classed as ‘EXIT ONLY’.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | January 14, 2014 | Reply

  3. Well done you for giving it a go, you trooper! But like you I happen to think life is too short not to enjoy some poisons in life. What’s it all for otherwise?

    Comment by mariatothecore | January 13, 2014 | Reply

    • My sentiments exactly. We think too much alike mate. You know I reckon that if you shaved your head, had a broken nose and a proper accent we could be twins. Not identical twins obviously, I wouldn’t wish that on you!

      Comment by Danny Breslin | January 14, 2014 | Reply

      • LOL! I like that, twins… yeah that could work. Although my head might get a bit cold…

        Comment by mariatothecore | January 14, 2014

      • A hat perhaps? d:-)

        Comment by Danny Breslin | January 15, 2014

      • Nice hat… d;)

        Comment by mariatothecore | January 17, 2014

  4. Never trust a fart. We both know how I can relate to that. And, yes, life it too short.

    Comment by richardmax22 | January 13, 2014 | Reply

    • Way too short unfortunately pal. That’s why we gotta cram it all in as quick as possible – a moment wasted is a moment lost.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | January 14, 2014 | Reply

  5. Welcome back. At least you can say you got detoxing out of your system. It must have got a lot of things out of your system as well.

    Comment by Christopher Meade | January 13, 2014 | Reply

    • Got detoxing out of my system – oh very good :-0
      Let’s just say I’m carrying a bit less around now.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | January 14, 2014 | Reply

  6. Too many people eat “Filler Foods” that provide little nutritional value

    Comment by Charles | January 23, 2014 | Reply

    • This is true. Its a shame that the things that do you the least good are the ones that taste the best.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | January 23, 2014 | Reply

  7. Haha, I love this, at least you gave it a good shot! Three days is… you know… better than two days! 😛 No, I agree, you only live once, and it is possible to be healthy (healthier) without resorting to juice torture! 🙂

    Comment by gina4star | January 24, 2014 | Reply

    • Having a couple of shots might have made it easier.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | January 24, 2014 | Reply

  8. Hahaha – this was awesome!
    I longed for poisons and I could no longer trust my farts!! So hilarious!!
    Thanks for that – 🙂 Makes me think I’ll keep putting that cleanse I’ve been meaning to do further and further on the back burner!!
    ~Andrea<3

    Comment by When in New Places | February 24, 2014 | Reply

    • Glad if I’ve inspired you in some way, even if it is to stay toxic.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | February 24, 2014 | Reply


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