Danny Breslin

How it is…

The Stupid Bowl

I won’t be watching the Super Bowl next year, I’ve had all I can take. Unless the Steelers happen to be playing, but after this season’s showing that might not be anytime soon. I do have legitimate reasons for deciding to stay away:

The game lasts an hour – 4 quarters of 15 minutes each. So why does the bloody thing take 5 hours? It started at 10pm GMT and finished at 3am the next morning. That’s right, it actually lasts two days! This means I cannot watch it live and so I record it to watch at a more godly hour. It also means I have to avoid anything that might tell me the score from the moment I wake up to the moment I get a spare 5 hours to sit down and watch it. Luckily I have a very handy fast forward button that means I can watch the whole thing in about half an hour if I cycle past all the messing about that goes on between plays and that awful noise that is the halftime show. Just shut up and get on with the game!

Why are there adverts every time play stops? Companies pay a fortune to get their ads on during the Super Bowl, yet I’m sure there are many like me that detest them for it and vow never to buy their products. Just shut up and get on with the game!

Why is there a three hour pre-game show where various “celebrities”, half of which I don’t even recognise, are asked their opinion of what the result might be? Who gives a big fat hairy hoot about their opinion? How much did they pay their agents to get this thirty second gig to boost their failing careers and make them seem in the slightest bit relevant? Just shut up and get on with the game!

How come the commentator announced that the Seattle Seahawks were now the WORLD champions when no one else is allowed to play? That’s why it’s called the National Football League, not the interNational Football League. Moron!

Which leads me very nicely to my last point: why is it called football when out of forty-odd players only one of them actually kicks it? Stupid stupid stupid game!!!

You might be wondering why I’m ranting this time – not that I usually need an excuse. The thing is sometimes me and Mrs B have a bet on certain things between us. I won’t tell you the amount, that’s not important and it will get me ranting again. Mrs B knows nothing about sport, any sport. She doesn’t care about sport and says the noise of the crowd gets on her nerves.

So this woman, who doesn’t know a punt from a hail mary, decides she wants to bet on the Seahawks. She doesn’t pick them because they had the best defensive record in the NFL, or that she thinks Russell Wilson is one of the most exciting young quarterbacks around. No, she chose them because she thought the Seattle Seahawks was a nice name.

Now do you see? Now do you realise why I’m ****** fuming? DAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

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February 3, 2014 - Posted by | Stuff and Nonsense | , , , , , , , , ,

13 Comments »

  1. Maybe we can make a Seahawks fangirl out of her yet! 😉 Yeah, I had to stay away from the tv for the painful hours leading up to game time. The inane commentary got on my nerves. But that game was worth it all for this Washington girl – so awesome!! You can always come watch the game at my house next year. I promise to feed you well!

    Comment by Audrey | February 3, 2014 | Reply

    • You’ll feed me too? The way to a man’s heart. I’m already booking the flight for next year 😉

      Comment by Danny Breslin | February 3, 2014 | Reply

  2. Fortunately for us in the States, the ball game was during our waking hours. And also a big fortunately for me was, I live in Seattle. We had a get-together at our home for the game and were paid off handsomly. But everything you said is absolutely true. In fact, during the game, if enough legitimate excuses do not arise for a commercial, the players actually have to wait until a commercial is over before they resume play. And the name, “football” is rather misleading when one thinks about it. Now Rugby is what I call football. And the players make our players look like a bunch of pussies. They wear no padding or helmet whatsoever. And totally beat the shit out of each other, and there are no fouls called. Talk about being tuff!!

    Comment by richardmax22 | February 3, 2014 | Reply

    • Rugby’s a good game but it only came about because a guy called William Webb Ellis couldn’t play proper football, or soccer as you’d call it, so he picked the ball up and ran with it. And because it happened at Rugby school it got the name it still carries. A bit of history for free.

      Comment by Danny Breslin | February 3, 2014 | Reply

      • Something I didn’t know.

        Comment by richardmax22 | February 3, 2014

      • I guess I’m just a mine of useless information. Perhaps you can impress your pals with that little gem? Or get politely asked to leave the bar.

        Comment by Danny Breslin | February 3, 2014

      • There are occasions that the patrons of a bar have IQ’s just to the right of a tossed salad, and are not impressed with too much knowledge.

        Comment by richardmax22 | February 3, 2014

      • I know that sort of crowd. That’s why me & my mate Gus are reviled by the younger lads in our local. The blank looks we get when we ask them if they know what a parallax error is or the date of the battle of Waterloo. The level of education in the schools today is abysmal.

        Comment by Danny Breslin | February 4, 2014

  3. It’s not a game, it’s another ‘fleece-the-suckers’ scheme. Hell, you knew that …
    World champs? In New Zealand we’re the world beaters at everything (when we’re not leading the world). Example? Regardless of who currently holds the World Cup in any sport we ARE the best of the best, especially rugby.
    Some folks have God, we have rugby.
    And the recent (nauseating) ‘sailing’ competitions for the Americas Cup—that Was NZ Team A versus NZ Team B. Nominally the sponsors (America) won but in fact NZ beat NZ. And we were the first to the top of Everest, of course … split the atom … etc etc.
    About time US wimps got away from that stupid ritualistic promo ‘game’ and took up a Real Man’s sport like rugby. (And as a card-carrying paranoid person I have to say “Panem et circenses” while smiling wisely and tapping the side of my nose …)

    Comment by Argus | February 23, 2014 | Reply

  4. Hmm…Juvenal eh? Instead of bread and circuses read copious amounts of hotdogs and the latest wardrobe malfunction. And just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not…
    Have to hold up my hands when we’re talking rugger. You boys have consistently set the bar very high for years and have produced some of the truly great players to have graced the game. One of whom nearly got me killed: https://dannybreslin.wordpress.com/2013/07/29/tackling-jonah-lomu/
    Mind you, when it comes to proper Association Football you lot are bloody rubbish!

    Comment by Danny Breslin | February 24, 2014 | Reply

  5. Well, speaking here from Seattle, I just have to say that was one fine Super Bowl game!!!
    And I would high-five Mrs. B if I could.
    Sorry ’bout that Danny!!!! (well, not really, actually)
    🙂

    Comment by Denise Hisey | February 28, 2014 | Reply

  6. Ugh, American Football… the onetime tough game they have made into a lovey, feely game because one might get hurt… it isn’t about getting hurt its about the team might lose money if their player gets hurt… give me English Footy anyday….they used to play American football without helmets and pads and anything went….now that was true American Football….give me Rugby anyday now.. better yet… English Footy…. now I am ranting!!! Way to go Danny! LOL

    Comment by colliesofthemeadow | March 23, 2014 | Reply


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