Danny Breslin

How it is…

Dry Christmas in Poland

It’s that time of the year again, time for the Breslin Christmas message. This year I think it will be a festive “Punch in the Face” nomination.

Some of you might know that the glamorous yet evil Mrs B has Polish relatives on her father’s side; what? You didn’t know? Well congratulations, you know now. We went to visit them earlier this year, an episode I am yet to share with you but I promise I will very soon, I’ve been so busy – sorry.

Anyway, we sent three boxes of Christmas goodies for the families over there in Drezdenko with sweeties and biscuits and bits and pieces. Among these treats we sent a set of three miniature bottles of cognac for cousin Gregor. We shelled out a few quid for postage because they were sizeable boxes, but they were so kind to us while we were there that we wanted to show our appreciation.

A few days ago now one of the boxes came back. It had been opened and rummaged through and note included which informed us that we had attempted to ship prohibited goods. They had x-rayed the box, spotted the cognac and gone in to investigate. When they found it they reckon they disposed of it, right into the pocket of one of them who will, no doubt, be toasting santa at my expense, the thieving little git!

bootlegger

Why would they get into a flap over three miniatures? I’m not some bootlegger trying to smuggle illegal hooch across borders. I’m no Al Capone or Bugs Moran. I won’t be the instigator of a drink-fuelled orgy of crime across Eastern Europe!

Al Capone

I didn’t realise I was such an international criminal when I included Gregor’s tipple, but even so if I broke the rules then my name is forever mud. What I am peeved about is the fact that after they had removed the offending items, why didn’t they send the rest on to its intended destination? I paid good money for that box to get to Poland yet it never even left the sorting office. Now all those things that we bought won’t get there in time for Christmas and we’ve had to send an email to her relatives explaining why. Thank you so much Royal Mail. You have collectively earned a nomination for “A Punch in the Face”.

How about if I wrap myself up and send myself to that sorting office? When it goes through their x-ray machine they’ll see a body in there so will open it up to investigate. Then like an avenging Jack-in-a-box I’ll spring out and exact justice on these party poopers…or perhaps not. hehehe

Anyway, enough of this nonsense. My friends, wherever you are in the world and whatever faith you follow if any at all,  have a happy and safe Christmas…even that twat who blagged Gregor’s cognac!

grinch

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December 24, 2014 - Posted by | A Punch in the Face | , , , , , ,

4 Comments »

  1. I had a parcel barreled up here for 6 months once because no one in the post office could determine if a mislabeled “bottle” of peanut butter was grog, and therefore in need of an import tax.

    Have a great Christmas, Danny!

    Comment by john zande | December 24, 2014 | Reply

    • Unbelievable isn’t it? You enjoy your Christmas too old pal. It’s little baby Jesus I feel sorry for, being born on xmas day means he gets less prezzies. And what’s the point of giving a kid gold? Frankenstein will scare the crap out of him and his dad only knows what a murr is!

      Comment by Danny Breslin | December 24, 2014 | Reply

  2. Enjoy your Christmas with the pets and the glamorous Mrs B with her Polish relatives. I’m imagining the chap’s face at the sorting office when he opens your ‘body’ package for investigation… hmmm… THAT is evil thought, but what a happy evil thought. 🙂

    Have a great festive season…

    Comment by mj | December 25, 2014 | Reply


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