Danny Breslin

How it is…

Bad Place for a Date

Ami

I know I haven’t been around much lately and for that I apologise. I’ve been up to my baby blues with other stuff and haven’t had time for anything. New kitchen, new bathroom, decorating – well by decorating I mean overseeing the evil Mrs B while she decorates. I hate decorating!

I was going to write about the election results today but I can’t be bothered, I’ll come back to that at some point. I  just thought I’d ease you back in with a little story about that pub I used to drink in many years ago that I’ve told you about before. That’s it above when it was first built, bit before my time though. That nest of vipers, roughnecks, hooligans and other assorted villainy that I used to love so much.

In fact I was talking recently to a couple of builders who’d renovated it when it was converted into a restaurant, this was after the police and the brewery had conspired to clear out the patrons. They told me that they couldn’t believe it when they first went in, they’d never seen a place with so much blood on the ceiling. I nodded, “Hmm, arterial spray…what can you do?”

It wasn’t the sort of place you took a date, not unless she was armed to the teeth and fully prepared for the horror within. It was, I suppose, okay to take your date if she was Chuck Norris but Chuck, for all his talents, looks awful in a dress. Women used to go up there, it was very popular, but they weren’t the sort you’d take home to meet your mother without first locking up the family silver and preparing a rabies shot for the family dog.

I bloke I used to know made the mistake of taking his new girlfriend up there. Fair enough it was early in the evening on a Friday so the ritual violence was still a couple of hours away. I hadn’t seen him for a while so I sat down opposite them for a chat. He introduced me to his new girlfriend and I noted how well behaved he was in her presence. Must be the real thing. It won’t last I remember thinking to myself.

She was quite sweet and quietly spoken, I was surprised he’d brought her to that pub. We chatted for a few minutes before she began talking about girl’s stuff and I obviously tuned out. I was trying to remember a joke I’d been told. I was going to share it with them, it was one of the few I knew that was clean enough to share in polite company. Unfortunately I reached the punchline in my head just as I was taking a swig of beer. Making myself laugh I sprayed my mouthful on both of them.

The stunned silence was the most deafening I’ve ever heard. They sat there as still as wet-faced statues, totally shocked. I tried to search my brain for an excuse for my behaviour – something…anything! Nothing. Utterly bereft of anything to say I got up, smiled and nodded, and walked off into the other room. I never saw either of them again.

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June 4, 2015 - Posted by | Stuff and Nonsense | , , ,

12 Comments »

  1. No wedding invite for you there then.

    Comment by Christopher Meade | June 4, 2015 | Reply

    • Ha ha, back then I was never the first on any wedding guest list. Even at my sister’s wedding I was left off the family photos!

      Comment by Danny Breslin | June 4, 2015 | Reply

      • Never mind. The photos got binned anyway

        Comment by safetygirldiary | June 4, 2015

      • Haha trust me sis I won’t mourn their loss.

        Comment by Danny Breslin | June 5, 2015

  2. Why, I have been missing your zingy stories, Danny!

    Hope the punch lines reach your head at the right point, now. Wouldn’t do to spoil the new decorated home, now!?

    Take care!

    Comment by mj | June 4, 2015 | Reply

    • I’ve learned my lesson, I stopped drinking, I no longer talk to my mates partners and none of my jokes are clean!

      Comment by Danny Breslin | June 4, 2015 | Reply

  3. OMG that’s hilarious! Good story.
    Oh, and well done Ireland!

    Comment by Alison and Don | June 4, 2015 | Reply

    • Some of the things I got up to back then…makes me cringe.
      Yes the Irish vote is I think a young vs old thing, and definitely a good kick up the arse for the church which has for centuries controlled every aspect of life over there. Seems they have took a huge stride into the 21st century and fair play to them. Not sure what some of my elderly relatives over there make of it all though!

      Comment by Danny Breslin | June 4, 2015 | Reply

  4. Pleased to see you back with your crazy pen or key-board or whatever you use.

    Comment by jacksjottings | June 5, 2015 | Reply

  5. I’ve done that in the past. I’d think of a joke or a funny incident in my head and then laugh out loud. I’d get very strange looks.

    Comment by Philip Ryan | August 19, 2015 | Reply

    • Forget who might be watching, there’s nothing like a good laugh. Just make sure your mouth is empty first!

      Comment by Danny Breslin | August 19, 2015 | Reply


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