Danny Breslin

How it is…

“The Whole Planet is Our Homeland”

October 10, 2016 Posted by | Stuff and Nonsense, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

No Place for an Honest Man

Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn must be crazy. He takes on the leadership of the Labour Party and opens himself up to a world of hurt. He has hardly had time to buy himself a new tie (I think it’s his first and only tie) and he is being snapped at by a snarling press pack representing owners in whose interests it definitely is not to have a left wing Prime Minister. Like dogs they circle, snapping at his heels; a sneering curl to their lips, lies on their tongues and fear in their eyes.

David Cameron, who has NEVER said an honest word in public in his life, says that Labour is now a threat to national security, to economic security and your family’s security.  Oh Dave Dave Dave, come on now, let’s take a quick peek at the validity of that statement shall we?

1) The slashing of the numbers of soldiers that we have is surely a bit of a threat to our national security, a point made by the former chief of the general staff General Sir Peter Wall. it was pointed out that the defence budget is there to hand over cash to arms manufacturers not maintain an army, navy and air force. In his opinion we will have the most advanced weapons in the world but with no soldiers to wield them. Corbyn wants to use the money saved from cancelling pointless nukes on having a properly funded army, navy and air force. Dropping out of  US led NATO with their corporate agenda and use the army to protect the weak around the world Instead of bombing their homes and creating more enemies.

2) Economists agree that austerity is not a sound economic policy for the promotion of growth. What growth we have had has been slow and weak and hampered by austerity. Hands up Dave: it’s not an economic policy at all is it? It is an ideological policy. The shifting of wealth ever upwards in a bid to return to the good old days that tories long for when it was toffs living off proles. A return to the “dark satanic mills”. Corbyn wants to strengthen the nation’s infrastructure leading to growth and tax those who can afford to pay (ie tax dodging corporations) to help those that can’t. 

3) The loss of hundreds of thousands of police jobs means that they can’t even respond when you call them. Burglar in the house? Find somewhere to hide, we’ll be round in the morning to take a statement, in the meantime here’s a crime number for your insurance company. There’s always a copper outside your door though Dave so that’s reassuring. Inequality leads to higher crime, wouldn’t it be better if everyone had a slice of the nation’s pie? It wouldn’t stop all criminality but it would drive the numbers down.

Will Corbyn become Prime Minister? Probably not. The Parliamentary Labour Party will stab him in the back. They are terrified that their promised jobs after leaving politics, on the boards of the multi-nationals they’ve done favours for, will be under threat. They’re laced with spineless Blairite New Labour tory-lite toadies. Having a man with conviction in charge must have them squirming under their rocks.

The tories will do the same as they did in the run up to this year’s election – forget spelling out any policies, people aren’t interested in that, they’ll rely on the cult of personality and just ask who they want in no.10? The wonderful Mr Cameron or a commie who will give your home to immigrants and force you to live on the streets and erm…stuff like that.

The right wing media will continue to assassinate his character and tear lumps out of him, misquoting everything he says and, let’s be honest, an indecent proportion of the electorate know only what they read in the newspaper. A paper that they only bought for some “bird wiv ‘er tits out….phwoarrrr!!!”

September 15, 2015 Posted by | Stuff and Nonsense | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Bad Place for a Date

Ami

I know I haven’t been around much lately and for that I apologise. I’ve been up to my baby blues with other stuff and haven’t had time for anything. New kitchen, new bathroom, decorating – well by decorating I mean overseeing the evil Mrs B while she decorates. I hate decorating!

I was going to write about the election results today but I can’t be bothered, I’ll come back to that at some point. I  just thought I’d ease you back in with a little story about that pub I used to drink in many years ago that I’ve told you about before. That’s it above when it was first built, bit before my time though. That nest of vipers, roughnecks, hooligans and other assorted villainy that I used to love so much.

In fact I was talking recently to a couple of builders who’d renovated it when it was converted into a restaurant, this was after the police and the brewery had conspired to clear out the patrons. They told me that they couldn’t believe it when they first went in, they’d never seen a place with so much blood on the ceiling. I nodded, “Hmm, arterial spray…what can you do?”

It wasn’t the sort of place you took a date, not unless she was armed to the teeth and fully prepared for the horror within. It was, I suppose, okay to take your date if she was Chuck Norris but Chuck, for all his talents, looks awful in a dress. Women used to go up there, it was very popular, but they weren’t the sort you’d take home to meet your mother without first locking up the family silver and preparing a rabies shot for the family dog.

I bloke I used to know made the mistake of taking his new girlfriend up there. Fair enough it was early in the evening on a Friday so the ritual violence was still a couple of hours away. I hadn’t seen him for a while so I sat down opposite them for a chat. He introduced me to his new girlfriend and I noted how well behaved he was in her presence. Must be the real thing. It won’t last I remember thinking to myself.

She was quite sweet and quietly spoken, I was surprised he’d brought her to that pub. We chatted for a few minutes before she began talking about girl’s stuff and I obviously tuned out. I was trying to remember a joke I’d been told. I was going to share it with them, it was one of the few I knew that was clean enough to share in polite company. Unfortunately I reached the punchline in my head just as I was taking a swig of beer. Making myself laugh I sprayed my mouthful on both of them.

The stunned silence was the most deafening I’ve ever heard. They sat there as still as wet-faced statues, totally shocked. I tried to search my brain for an excuse for my behaviour – something…anything! Nothing. Utterly bereft of anything to say I got up, smiled and nodded, and walked off into the other room. I never saw either of them again.

June 4, 2015 Posted by | Stuff and Nonsense | , , , | 12 Comments

No Regrets

What is the point of regretting anything? What’s done is done, get over it and get on with it!

Wouldn’t I just make the world’s greatest Agony Uncle? I should have a column in one of the national papers. “Dear Danny…”

Where was I? Oh yeah – regrets. Seriously though regrets do nothing but hold you back, tie you down, torture you to the point of submission. If only I’d… Well you didn’t so you can now do one of two things: 1) Do it now, this minute, whatever it was; or if you can’t, if it is absolutely no longer a possibility then 2) stop whining about it about and move on. Do something else that will give you purpose, make your life fulfilled and will MAKE YOU HAPPY!!!!

Of course there are things in my past that maybe I should have walked away from, some I should have headed towards, but the grass might not have been all that green if I had vaulted the fence anyway. Regrets are like an old overcoat that is way too heavy and cumbersome – throw it off folks, it’s summertime! Hooray!

The comedian Sean Locke put it best when asked if he had any regrets in his life, he replied “I’m not too happy with the hall carpet.”

Sean Locke says "Regrets - me?"

Sean Locke says “Regrets – me?”

March 5, 2015 Posted by | Stuff and Nonsense | , , , | 6 Comments

About Discrimination

I am, and have been for many years, part of a community that has been much maligned and discriminated against. A community without a voice, with no way of answering critics because the government, the police and the mainstream press have demonised us to the point we are universally hated.

I am a football fan.

I know what you’re thinking: Breslin is just being stupid. A hetro white British male claiming to be discriminated against? He doesn’t know what he’s talking about! And yet…

I have been spat on. Assaulted. I have had various objects thrown at me including coins, bottles and even an apple. I have received a face full of CS gas. That was from fans of various different teams. I have been punched in the face, kicked, pushed around, sworn at, threatened, jostled, filmed, followed, been put in stress positions, had my wrists bent so bad that I was in pain for weeks and caged by thugs in uniform who give the police a bad name. This was not because I was breaking any laws or indulging in any form of hooligan activity; this was because I was following my team.

football fans

I am called scum in the media. I have laws passed especially to “crack down” on me.

Things have improved over the past few years, I must admit, and that might be down to the fact that the CCTV meant to be watching us is also watching them. In the media being a football fan is becoming respectable, with my team being supported by a prince and a prime minister (not that I consider either position overly respectable).

I’ll now turn to the incident on the Paris Metro which has caused a furore in the world’s press. I would like to think that the Chelsea fans weren’t letting the black guy on the train because the carriage was full and they suggested he find another. I would like to think they were pushing him away because he was being a dickhead about it. Please note: 1) I am neither black or Chelsea so I am a neutral observer, and 2) being a dickhead knows no national or racial boundaries – I have seen the bloke interviewed and he seems a right dickhead to me, but that’s just an opinion.

I would also like to think that the song they came out with: “We’re racist, we’re racist and that’s the way we like it…” etc was sung in irony. As in they weren’t being racist but knew that’s how it would appear and were singing about it in jest – despite this particular jest being not very funny – I understand irony, I’m a football fan.

I would like to think that the above scenario was the true one and not the horrible one described by the foaming at the mouth plastic journalists who covered it with such relish. If I’m wrong, and they really wouldn’t let him on the train because he was black, then I’d just like to say to them thanks lads, you’ve just set back our fight against the discrimination of the football fan by 20 years and made us all look like dickheads!

February 24, 2015 Posted by | Stuff and Nonsense | , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Turning into my Dad

When I was young I used to play music in my bedroom and my dad, may God rest his soul (or at least have mercy on it), would shout up the stairs “What is that bloody noise?” I’ve toned it down for this is a family blog after all.

I’d get a lecture: real music isn’t made any more…none of them can sing…in my day I listened to…dread to think what effect it has on your brain…Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole- now those boys could sing…not even sure you’re my child etc.

Fast forward to the modern era and I’m sitting in the barber’s waiting to get my hair cut. On the radio there is a sound that makes me think they have it set between stations and are picking up static. At the end of this virtuoso performance the breathless woman, responsible for playing this offence to the eardrums, comes on and expects the listening audience including all of us in the barber’s waiting room to agree with her when she enthuses “Wasn’t that absolutely amazing?”

Despite the fact that the room is packed with strangers, I find myself shouting out an involuntary “NO!” All eyes turn to me. I shrug and say “Well come on…what is that bloody noise?”

February 12, 2015 Posted by | Stuff and Nonsense | , , , , , , | 7 Comments

The Only One I’ll Ever Love

We lost again last night. AGAIN!!!!!

It hurts to see my beloved Aston Villa, the lions of the Midlands, tamely roll over and have their bellies tickled once again. Lions? Pah,.. kittens!

I’m not going to go over the same ground as the footy bloggers. Except to say our manager is so far out of his depth he might as well be swimming in the Mariana Trench. Our players are not interested in playing for him. Our CEO is spouting cobblers about a long term strategy and our owner has stopped giving a toss. The same day the £5.1 BILLION TV deal is announced we underline our intentions to be competing (if the idea of us competing is not too far-fetched) in the lower leagues from next season on.

The point of this post is this: as football fans we love our team more than our significant other. We must do, it’s undeniable. If I was treated with the same contempt by my missus my bags would be packed and I’d be last seen disappearing over the horizon. I am in a dead-end relationship with my football club and the pain is set to continue because whatever happens, whatever suffering and humiliation they subject me to, I will always stick by my club. The idea of changing allegiance is not one that any fan worth his salt would entertain. I’d rather stick a shooter in my mouth and end it now.

Oh there have been good times: memories I will  treasure of being Champions of England, all-conquering Champions of Europe, two league cups…tears of joy running freely down my once rosy cheeks; tears now dried up on my drawn and tired face.

Please, do feel free to hit the comments button and mock me, you won’t cause me to feel any more miserable than I do already.

I’ve always sung “Villa til I die” and, in spite of it all, I always will. UTV

February 11, 2015 Posted by | Stuff and Nonsense | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Killing Joke

I was stunned, as was everyone else, by the violence in Paris. It seems that publishing cartoons lampooning religion is a crime punishable by death. Where does it mention that in any of the Good Books? They weren’t even particularly funny or insulting cartoons that supposedly brought this on. It was a cowardly, evil attack that has had the opposite effect to that which these “people” intended; instead of cowing all and sundry into silence, it has united all. Rallying every creed to the banner of freedom. So yes, je suis Charlie…nous sommes tous Charlie!

Not that our governments will be joining in the calls for freedom. No, they will see this as the perfect excuse to clamp down on the freedom of the internet, take away rights to privacy that they had been pushing for and had so far been resisted. Or am I just being paranoid? Prepare for us all to be punished my friends.

It seems nowadays that there is far too much threatening of death and violence toward people that the perpetrators don’t agree with. A stupid and ill-advised comment on social media can whip up all sorts of storms of self-righteous protest. In fact anything that upsets anyone can be greeted with the worst kind of threats. Maybe I’ll get threatened over this post – whatever, I’ve been threatened before and it doesn’t worry me. Bring it on.

Ched Evans

Ched Evans

Recently Ched Evans, the footballer who was convicted of rape, was looking for a new club. Oldham FC were considering giving him a contract. They withdrew their offer when the club’s staff and members of their families received death threats. What? Whether you think that Evans had served his time and should be allowed to rebuild his career, or that he should be castrated between two house bricks, that is up to you; but to threaten the members of the families of people who are on the Oldham board of directors, playing staff or just simply work at the stadium is a complete and ridiculous overreaction.

Sticking with football, how about Neil Lennon when he managed Celtic, he received a tweet saying that they had a bullet with his name on it! Whether it was his full name or just his initials is unclear but I reckon it depends on the size and calibre of the bullet.

gabby

Gabby Agbonlahor’s tackle on Louis Tomlinson from some band called One Direction (I think)  in a charity match resulted in Gabby getting death threats from teeny boppers all over the world. Now that is scary! Oh you think not? Try slagging off that little sh*t Justin Bieber and see what happens – the Beliebers are gonna get you!

The answer is not to be scared, most of them are just making noise and bigging themselves up. Thankfully it is rare that such empty threats are followed up. The best reply I heard of was by a porn actress called Mia Kalifa who is of Lebanese descent. After receiving death threats for her chosen profession, including the like of “Your head will soon be cut from your body, insh’Allah.” She replied “I’m just glad it’s not my t*ts, they cost me loads.”

mia

January 12, 2015 Posted by | Stuff and Nonsense | , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Torture? Really?

gitmo

You can’t be shocked at the Senate report into the enhanced interrogation techniques, everyone knew it was going on at the time. Details were available online and even on mainstream news channels whose content is continuously vetted to protect us from the truth. I would bet it is still going on in far away corners of the world and will continue to go on. What shocks me is that anyone is pretending to be shocked.

Democratic Party Senator Dianne Feinstein, chair of the Senate Intelligence Committee led the probe into the CIA. I would suggest that she check under her car before setting out in the morning from now on.

So now the question is who knew what? No, I’m getting bored with my own post now. EVERYONE KNEW! (Well perhaps with the exception of George W. who couldn’t be dragged away from his new scalextric track that Condy and Rumy had helped him set up in the oval office.) They knew and they sanctioned it.

Cheney, one of the most evil individuals I have ever laid eyes on, told a Fox News “journalist” kneeling before him that the report was full of crap.Alas we’ll never know what the “journalist” replied because his mouth was full at the time. (There’s an image that will haunt you!)

The report also points out that no actionable intelligence was obtained. Torture is not an effective way to extract information, it never has been. The torture victim will tell you anything to make the pain stop.

This whole “war on terror” thing, it’s the world’s most unfunny joke. You fund, arm and train your enemy before bombing him? What?

It’s not a war on terror, it is a money-making scam for the military/industrial complex: keep knocking it down then building it back up to be knocked down again. It’s about power, it’s about geo-politics, it’s a war on anyone who stands up against them.

You want to know how to keep the freedom loving west safe? Do you want to know how to defeat terrorism? It’s pretty simple: stop riding roughshod over the rest of the world. Stop supporting nasty dictatorships around the world. Stop drone strikes that kill innocents and lay waste to villages. Make global trade a fair proposition for everyone. Stop being greedy bastards and share the enormous wealth so entire countries can lift themselves out of dire poverty. Dismantle the leech-like global loan sharks the World Bank and IMF. Basically,stop being a bully, play nice with everyone and there just might be a chance for this planet to be a decent place to live for all of us.

December 11, 2014 Posted by | Stuff and Nonsense | , , , , , | 1 Comment

Night Terrors

Nosferatu

Yesterday I watched 30 Days of Night. As you might know, if you have seen it too, it is a film about vampires. Interesting but not overly scary. I’ve also been watching that TV series about vampires, The Strain. Again, a good show but I don’t scare easily. On top of that I’ve also started reading the book that the series is based on. So with all that you can forgive me if my head is full of bloodsucking creatures that haunt the darkness. Not that I was scared of course…

Last night I finished another chapter of the book and went downstairs to use the bathroom, not wanting to wake Her Ladyship. My night vision and familiarity with my surroundings is good enough to allow me to move around the house at night without any lights on. Obviously though after leaving the bathroom my night vision would be temporarily suspended. No matter. I switched off the light as I opened the door and stepped into the hall. It was then that I realised I wasn’t alone, a figure loomed next to me, darker than its surrounding shadows. One thought flashed through my brain: VAMPIRE!!!

When you punch a Christmas tree you’d be surprised how much louder it is at night time as it falls and empties its branches of decorations.

That bloody woman! We’ve barely dipped a shivering toe into the frigid waters of December and she’s already put up a tree and various other pointless shiny things around the house. I’d totally forgotten it was there in the five minutes I was in the bathroom. “Well, serves her right if it woke her up” I grumbled to myself as I restored it to its former gaudy glory the best I could. I slunk back up the stairs (with the light on) to find she’d slept through the entire thing.

I detest vampires almost as much as I detest Christmas!

December 3, 2014 Posted by | Stuff and Nonsense | , , , , , | 19 Comments

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